I hid from my children today.
We were not playing hide and seek.
I put my daughter in her basinet.
I put my son in his crib.
Both were screaming.
Then I went into the closet. Sat down. And cried.
I have two beautiful babies. Two absolutely breathtaking and beautiful beyond words little humans that make life worth living.
We have days and days of pure bliss, fun and unbelievable days. Truly the stuff that dreams are made of.
Today was not one of those days.
Today was the day that I couldn’t get a few minutes to make myself look normal before a Skype meeting for work.
Today was the day that my son decided he would refuse to eat anything that he scarfed down yesterday.
Today was the day my daughter refused to be put down.
Today was the day that my son took off his poop filled diaper… in the living room…
Today was the day that my daughter cried nonstop… again.
Today was the day that my son threw his boat… his ball… his lunch… his sisters pacifier… and my phone off the balcony…
Today was the day that I hid from my children.
And honestly, that HAS to be ok.
So to all the mothers out there that feel frazzled, to the moms that are trying so hard everyday and are terrified that they are failing. To any woman out there who has thought, this is it, this is the day I am going to pull every single hair out of my head… And to anyone who has ever given me an incredible compliment regarding how I do so much… I feel frazzled.
I feel frazzled, and inadequate, exhausted and lonely. I lose my temper and fear that I will screw my children up forever because I didn’t pay enough attention… because I paid too much attention… I struggle and stumble and try my best to make my way.
For anyone who feels like I do, just know, you are absolutely and unequivocally, without a single doubt, not alone. Truthfully… if you are feeling this way, it probably means that you are doing something right.
And what I am coming to realize is, sometimes we need to just put our babies in a safe and secure place, walk to another room, and sit down and cry for a few minutes… and maybe, just maybe… have ourselves a drink.